Archive for July, 2013

Week 607.28.13

One more week left!

People are going insane in my class. It’s mostly the girls, I can’t tell if it’s because they are feeding off each other because the girls in my class tends to hang out in tight little circle.

Even the instructor is a bit on the edge, on Friday she got fed up with us asking her a billion questions and said we need to learn how to read our cases and base our studies on that instead of blindly following study guides. She did sound a bit snappy, but I’m sure between listening to each of us panicking, and having people cry in her office, it’s a bit much. Two of the ladies took offense to her snappiness and left during break and  never came back.

I heard two guys commenting on how they can’t even stand being around some classmates because they are freaking out a little too much, and the freak-out energy is stressing them out.

Today, a few of us got together to study and at some point one girl started crying. I don’t know how to deal with people crying. I don’t even know how to deal with myself crying, I just lock myself up and tell people to leave me alone. Crying is not my specialty.

The poor girl is feeling dumb, and like she just doesn’t get it and that she will not get it on time for the final which is only a little over a week away. But, that’s how we all feel right now. Most of us just drink that feeling away and this poor girl doesn’t have that option because she’s on meds that does not play well with alcohol.

This is what the last week of law school is like.

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Week 5 + 2 days07.23.13

In another week and a half, the summer quarter is over. My first law school quarter is nearing the end. How is it going?

Well, somewhere around week 4, the work started really piling up along with all the info that I only partly know. So I’ll say somewhere around 4/7th of the way through the quarter was when shit starting hitting the fan. Up until end of week four, I was still filled with overwhelming positive thoughts of how joyful and delightful life was and how fortunate I was to get into law school.

Yesterday was the first day I turned to my classmate, and said, “FUCK MY LIFE!” He tried to cheer me up because he was a good classmate and we said we would look out for each other like that. I didn’t even want him to cheer me up, that’s how pathetic I was being. It was just a really rough weekend with not enough hours to do all the homework and assigned reading and assigned legal writing, work, and prepping for Monday practice exam.

Then I got home and told Drew how rough my day has been, and he tried to cheer me up. Which didn’t work. Then I saw a bunch of Facebook posts from multiple classmates saying they felt like crying but they weren’t even sure what about because there were just too many emotions floating around. And somehow, that made me feel better. Like I’m not alone on my crazy island. Mostly because on crazy island, they serve some stiff drinks because crazy people don’t bother with stupid shit like that ridiculous little shot measuring thingamajig, they just pour and pour. And now I don’t have to drink alone. Then Drew asked if it would be okay if his cousins stayed with us this weekend. And I flipped the fuck out.

This is my entire class. We have all gone bipolar simultaneously. One minute we’re laughing, next minute we’re crying. After some calm discussions about how I don’t have time for house guests on my last week of law school I figured maybe I could manage, but in the future he should just assume it’s NEVER okay to invite people over during the last two weeks of the quarter/semester. He has done this in the past, and I’ve managed, but honestly, I’ve never been this emotionally unstable over school.

Then we went to Nordstrom to pick up my altered clothing for a law event today. And they somehow fucked it all up and said everything got pushed to four days later, didn’t I get that call? I almost lost it and started crying at Nordies. Over fucking clothes. It’s not like I’ll have to show up naked if I don’t get my alterations done. Then the lady made it sound like it was my fault because I had too many pieces to alter and I should have gotten a call. I told her the clothing had been with them for over two weeks and it was promised that day and I spoke to my saleslady the day before about picking it up.

The assistant manager came over and apologized after a lot of waiting to see what we could do, and they said they would alter the one piece I needed for today and they would deliver it in the morning at my condo. This is why managers are there, because they know better than to make a customer feel like shithead for spending too much money buying too many pieces of clothing then paying for their alterations.

I went home feeling defeated, so I told Drew I honestly could not handle the idea of having house guests on the last week of school. I felt really horrible saying it, but I know this next week and a half will be hell, and the idea of having someone crash at my office so I would be forced to change my study habits and space was just too much. Even the mere idea of waking up and feeling like I have to force a smile on my face for my house guests would be too much.

Today is better. Today I’m back to being grateful for being law school, but the feeling of “I don’t have enough time” is causing some bad tension on my back.

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Old People Don’t Need Birthdays07.15.13

I took a few of my classmates to my family’s restaurant for dinner. My buddy, S, drove us because my car was completely out of gas and I was too lazy to go refuel. As I’ve already mentioned, most of my classmates are much much younger. I think the three classmates that came out that night were all between 21-23. The following day was one of our classmate’s 21st birthday, so we spent part of dinner discussing celebration ideas.

The next day, while we were all talking about where to celebrate my classmate’s birthday, it occurred to me, while checking Facebook, it’s actually my buddy’s birthday too, and being a bad friend that was all wrapped up in law schooliness, I completely forgot.

I told my classmate (who is 23) about how I completely forgot it was my buddy’s birthday even though we were out with him the night before. Her response, “Oh don’t worry, he’s an older guy, I’m sure it’s no big deal to him.”

It never really occurred to me how big of an age gap there is between most of my classmates and myself. They see themselves in another age category. In a nerdy D&D world, we are rolling different dices.

I try to think back some 14 years ago, and try to think if back then, I thought “older” people like those over-the-hill-thirty-somethings stop celebrating their birthday because c’mon they’re almost dead, what’s there left to celebrate. It’s so hard to put myself in my twenty something shoes. Although I have hazy memories of the group pointing to that “old guy” (who I’m sure is maybe 38) at the club, and how creepy it is of him to be that old and still be there preying on our young nubile selves. Don’t they know? Clubs and birthdays are for those in the twenties?

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Week Two07.02.13

Oh to still feel giddy about law school. I’m trying to savor this feeling right now because I know it will not last.

I wrote that above line over the weekend. How quickly the tides turn in law school. Not because I’m not giddy over it, but I think when I wrote that, I was starting to feel a bit of confidence at my learning. Now…not so much.

I sent a message to a classmate about my panic over not getting anything after feeling like “I got this” for a day, he said to relax, because even though it feels much longer, it really has only been two weeks. This is very true. Then he had to ruin the “relax” part by pointing out summer session is a quarter over.

The average age of my class is around 25, which means, I’m about 12 years older than most people in my class. Which is to say, I can’t relate to most of the lovely ladies in my class. They’re young and still into boys and gossip. Mind you, this is not a complaint, I know I did that at 25. They are very smart, sweet, and funny. I adore them. And they use words like “throwing shades” that I picked up without realizing it, and I used it in front of Drew, and he’s all “What does that even mean?” In my best Will Ferrell voice, “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative.”

I know I’m in panic mode probably because I’m getting less and less sleep these days. Partly over the endless mountain of homework. Last week, I made the mistake of staying at my family dinner too long, and ended up not briefing every case for class the next day. I’ve never spent so much time in class trying to not make eye contact with the professor and praying that I don’t get called on. It was awful. Because I know, from class experience, if it’s obvious someone didn’t prepare, they get grilled to death.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Summer is here in Seattle. This time last year, I was still driving by the law school building, eyeing the students with envy. This time last year, I was still trying to teach myself how to swim. For 36 years of my life, I had no idea how to swim. I watched enviously as other people dove off decks with a loud satisfying splash. This year, I don’t have to be a sideline spectator.

 

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