Week 5 + 2 days

Posted in Personal on Jul 23, 2013

In another week and a half, the summer quarter is over. My first law school quarter is nearing the end. How is it going?

Well, somewhere around week 4, the work started really piling up along with all the info that I only partly know. So I’ll say somewhere around 4/7th of the way through the quarter was when shit starting hitting the fan. Up until end of week four, I was still filled with overwhelming positive thoughts of how joyful and delightful life was and how fortunate I was to get into law school.

Yesterday was the first day I turned to my classmate, and said, “FUCK MY LIFE!” He tried to cheer me up because he was a good classmate and we said we would look out for each other like that. I didn’t even want him to cheer me up, that’s how pathetic I was being. It was just a really rough weekend with not enough hours to do all the homework and assigned reading and assigned legal writing, work, and prepping for Monday practice exam.

Then I got home and told Drew how rough my day has been, and he tried to cheer me up. Which didn’t work. Then I saw a bunch of Facebook posts from multiple classmates saying they felt like crying but they weren’t even sure what about because there were just too many emotions floating around. And somehow, that made me feel better. Like I’m not alone on my crazy island. Mostly because on crazy island, they serve some stiff drinks because crazy people don’t bother with stupid shit like that ridiculous little shot measuring thingamajig, they just pour and pour. And now I don’t have to drink alone. Then Drew asked if it would be okay if his cousins stayed with us this weekend. And I flipped the fuck out.

This is my entire class. We have all gone bipolar simultaneously. One minute we’re laughing, next minute we’re crying. After some calm discussions about how I don’t have time for house guests on my last week of law school I figured maybe I could manage, but in the future he should just assume it’s NEVER okay to invite people over during the last two weeks of the quarter/semester. He has done this in the past, and I’ve managed, but honestly, I’ve never been this emotionally unstable over school.

Then we went to Nordstrom to pick up my altered clothing for a law event today. And they somehow fucked it all up and said everything got pushed to four days later, didn’t I get that call? I almost lost it and started crying at Nordies. Over fucking clothes. It’s not like I’ll have to show up naked if I don’t get my alterations done. Then the lady made it sound like it was my fault because I had too many pieces to alter and I should have gotten a call. I told her the clothing had been with them for over two weeks and it was promised that day and I spoke to my saleslady the day before about picking it up.

The assistant manager came over and apologized after a lot of waiting to see what we could do, and they said they would alter the one piece I needed for today and they would deliver it in the morning at my condo. This is why managers are there, because they know better than to make a customer feel like shithead for spending too much money buying too many pieces of clothing then paying for their alterations.

I went home feeling defeated, so I told Drew I honestly could not handle the idea of having house guests on the last week of school. I felt really horrible saying it, but I know this next week and a half will be hell, and the idea of having someone crash at my office so I would be forced to change my study habits and space was just too much. Even the mere idea of waking up and feeling like I have to force a smile on my face for my house guests would be too much.

Today is better. Today I’m back to being grateful for being law school, but the feeling of “I don’t have enough time” is causing some bad tension on my back.

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