Old People ADHD

Posted in Personal on Aug 04, 2014

On-Campus interview week is the first week of school. Which means cover letters are due. Which means I am staring at my screen blankly for hours. I have managed to play many games on my iPad and ordered a new perfume while sitting in front of my computer, willing the cover letters to write themselves.

Procrastination is harsh. It was extremely rough throughout 1L. Sometimes I think I got by just from sitting in front of the computer for so long that I started working just because my ass started aching from the number of hours spent sitting there, and I wanted that pain to end. That is a LOT of sitting. And a lot of cat videos. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen ALL the internet cat videos by now.

I remember being able to study for hours on end when I was younger. But I’m pretty sure I remembered wrong, and the reality was I spent hours on end drinking and talking about boys. Still, I thought maybe I have adult ADHD. So I got medicated for it.

Yes, I got a prescription for Adderall, and it was a pain in the ass to keep the prescription, but it helped in small ways. There were two very fatal flaws to the medication. Depending on dosage, it killed my REM cycles, I woke up feeling like I closed my eyes and didn’t sleep all night. And while I worked with laser focus, I couldn’t do legal writing worth shit. I had a prescription before and I remembered it working very well when I was younger, but now that I think about it, I was programming at the time. I think the drug helped me do monotonous chore type things extremely well. I was a lean mean outlining machine on drugs, but legal writing was impossible. My brain became so one-tracked that accessing creative argument space was impossible. I was simply too linear. In the end, I found it extremely useful for “chore” school works days, but avoided it for exams and legal writing days.

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