Random Law School Moment #309.19.13

If you don’t get something in your reading, even if it’s one little thing, even if you thought the class will enlighten you on it, figure it out before class. Because, oh my god, was that ever embarrassing when you have to admit in front of the whole class that you did not know that one thing. I was still blushing two hours later. In my own home. Luckily I actually prepared, like actually typed out notes based on my reading, so it all was flowing well and it was a very small part of what I was asked to answer. But let’s never let that happen again.

If I was feeling a little pale from recent pint of blood donated, that is no longer the case, the blood is all up in my face.

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…But I Won’t Do That09.19.13

I’ve been going to a LOT of presentations with panels of lawyers and the common thread among them all is, “We are lawyers, we want to help people. We want to give back to our community.”

I believe that. It’s why I want to become a lawyer. And same for a lot of my classmates, although one has declared he is after money because he has some insane student loans.

The local blood bank had their donation bus parked outside of the law building for a couple days. On the first day, I walked by, and felt a little guilty about not stopping in. Then I asked my classmate, Josh, if he had any advice on whether I should give blood that day, or the following day. He said, “Well, we have practice exam today, so it depends on how woozy you get.” Good point. It’s better not to be woozy the day of exams, practice or not.

The next day, I had no excuse. I walked onto the bus half expecting to be told to come back at a later time, but the bus was somewhat empty. The turn out has been dismal for two days.

I asked for a bright green wrap for bandaging, because I know in the past, when I see people walking around with blood donation wrapping, I’m reminded of going to donate if I haven’t already. When I walked around the law school building, I had multiple people ask me if I injured myself because they haven’t seen a blood donation wrapper before.

Law students want to be givers, but not givers of blood.

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Random Law School Moment #209.12.13

Every morning, I wake up, drink some water, get on my stationary bike and read whatever garbage gossip to clear my head of useful knowledge. Then I drink my coffee and sit down and study or review for my class(es) that day. Usually, as time for class approaches, I start getting dressed in the middle of thinking about cases.

Today, I put on my socks in the middle of adding notes to my brief. Then I looked at the clock and started packing my bag. Dragged it pathetically (so heavy) to the door. Then I started putting on my shoes. Something didn’t feel right. Was it my analysis of the case? What did I leave out?

No, it turns out I didn’t have any pants on. One shoes and no pants. I’m not sure how I could possibly lose a case if I were to show up anywhere looking like that. It’s trendy.

One of my classmate came up with “Fancy Friday”, where he makes a point to get dressed up every Friday in business attire to remind him that he’s studying to be a lawyer and I thought it’s such a great idea that I’ve been getting suited up with him. It’s also a wonderful way to test drive new shoes or pencil skirts to make sure there will be no wardrobe malfunction. I’ve already found that one of my pencil skirt has slutty tendency and wants to hike up to my hips with every step.

I came up with a new day, I call it “Thong Thursday”.

 

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Random Law Shool Moment09.10.13

I had to look up another case and quickly read through it for background information. Then went back to reading my original case.

After a moment, I realize, I totally understood that other case. Then two thoughts popped into my head:

  1. Yes, I totally got that! I’m getting better as a lawyer.
  2. Did I only get that one case because it was extremely well written and done more recently?

 

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Week Two Over09.08.13

I was obviously delirious on my last post. It was truly a rough week because I did not get ahead. I’m not making that same mistake this week.

Week One was a lot of “What’s Going On!?” I thought I got the hang of this after taking summer class, why do I feel like I’m starting back at square 1?

Week Two was a lot of, meet this club and that club and say hi to everyone, and wow there was very little free time. And did I mention I didn’t read ahead, so staying on pace ended being a lot of prayers of “please don’t call on me, please don’t call on me.”

Did I mention I’ve been checking my grade, over and over…like I still don’t believe I could do well in law school? It’s not me to be this insecure. I don’t usually worry if I’m good enough, I usually think that I’m all that and a bag of chips (don’t worry, I think you are pretty amazing too). It’s just that law school has a way of making someone feel dumb. And from talking to my 3L TA, she said that feeling never really goes away. Yay, I was starting to worry that my over-inflated ego wouldn’t fit in my over-priced suits, and I can’t even afford a new toothbrush at this point. So, worry no more.

I’m currently trying to find the perfect study guide for my classes. Last quarter, I started understanding my class and cases after I figured out how to use my study guide, I’m hoping I can do the same for this quarter, but it has been tough just trying to figure out what each professor wants first.

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Hey All09.05.13

Don’t go out with your friends and have a drink on a week night during law school, and by a drink, I mean a bottle of wine. EACH. Plus extra drinks because why not. Because you will get home and you see some old Gardetto’s that you see on the desk because there were too many club recruiting events bribing you with snacks and that old Gardetto’s will suddenly be DEEEEE-LICIOUS.

Also, “if” after the first week is Labor Day so you get three days off, use it to study wisely instead of spending only one solid day to study, because that’s not good enough. You will be on the treadmill all week after. Then come Thursday one drink = one bottle = necessity. Stay with me here.

Law school is many things. Fun is one of them. But staying a little ahead-ish is good too. Or so I hear.

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Breathe Again08.28.13

Fall semester just started on Monday. I don’t know where my two and a half weeks of break went. I had all these grand plans for it, and then it was over.

I did pick up all sorts of new PADI scuba diving certification though. I got my drysuit certification, got advance certification, and will be picking up my deep dive certification in another dive.

But I don’t want to talk about diving.

I want to talk about my ONE four hours final. I studied my ass off for that but I did take a day off to goof around. I thought I knew the materials very very well, better than well. Then the final  day happened and the four hours felt like a very short blur. I came away from that feeling like I failed it miserably. Like I probably got a “C” and I regretted taking that one day off.

One of my study buddy walked out of the final saying, “Somebody better get me a lawyer because I killed it.” He was trying to get us to stop being so serious when it was time to celebrate. Then he told me, out of everyone I seem to know my material the best, so I really shouldn’t worry, but ugh…it really was such a quick haze, I was feeling a little ill.

Around 13 of us gathered that night to get completely shitfaced. I wanted to be full of hangover and regrets the next day and it actually felt good the next day to be hungover.

Throughout my break, whenever I typed in my student login code to check if grades were out, I felt like I was about to get kicked in the gut. I braced myself. I’ve been bracing myself since I walked out of my final 22 days ago.

Then yesterday in class, we got an email saying grades were released. One of my dear classmate, logged on and shouted to us that she got an “A”. Now we were warned multiple times that we should never discuss grades because it’s bad etiquette. And now I know why. Because for a moment it made me feel angry at her, there goes one of the limited “A’s” the instructor got to hand out.

That made me feel really shitty about myself, because I’ve prided myself in not getting competitive. This gal sat next to me last semester. I’ve always tried to answer any questions she had, and I’ve even sent her pages and pages of my notes when I thought it would help her. I did the same for many of my classmates. I wanted everyone to do well. This is why we are discouraged from talking about grades.

I waited till I got home and for Drew to leave the room before I logged on and clicked on the link. And somehow, I saw an “A”. I logged out and back in, just in case something went wrong. Then I had Drew come look at it for me. Like was that an “A” grade or A for Asshole? After he confirmed the grade, I started jumping around the room like an idiot. This is why we were warned against checking our grades in front of classmates, because it’s quite possible that A is for Assholes when you jump around like a classless asshat with unadulterated joy.

Somewhere in that jump, I felt like my lungs were expanding and contracting normally again and that I stopped bracing for the pain to come down. First time in three weeks.

Every new professor has warned us again taking our grades so seriously because it should not define us. I know this. But it’s so hard to not label ourselves with our grades. We as first years know our grades will determine if we get certain internship or clerkship. My grade determines if I will continue to receive whatever scholarship my school gave me.

Breathe.

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Where Did It Go?08.02.13

And summer semester is over. I don’t know how in week 3 it feels like each week was soooo long because we crammed so much stuff in our brains but then we blinked and it’s gone.

The last couple days were emotionally charged, people were snippy, more girls cried, and everyone could use more sleep.

I feel like I figured out a good study pattern for myself a little too late. Everything fell in place around mid-week of Week 6. And I became the stellar participating student only for the last week and a half. Prior to that, I was always wondering what the fuck was going on and how did everyone else have the answers that I don’t, and I would spend some six to eight hours briefing each night.

Briefing. Wow. There is nothing more soul crushing than spending a couple hours to brief for a case that the professor glossed over for a few minutes and I now know is not even going to be covered on the test anyhow.

Four days until finals. I have sitting before me, cupcakes because I deserve them. I live half a block away from this fancy cupcake shoppe (I’m calling it “shoppe” because it’s that fancy) and I’ve been resisting the sweet beckoning all summer because I have not been exercising enough since school started. Now that it’s the home stretch, I’m saving my allotted bank of willpower for studying.

Last week, I sat down on my couch and thought, wow, this couch is nice. When was the last time I sat on this couch? And I honestly could not remember. Three weeks ago maybe? Law school.

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Week 607.28.13

One more week left!

People are going insane in my class. It’s mostly the girls, I can’t tell if it’s because they are feeding off each other because the girls in my class tends to hang out in tight little circle.

Even the instructor is a bit on the edge, on Friday she got fed up with us asking her a billion questions and said we need to learn how to read our cases and base our studies on that instead of blindly following study guides. She did sound a bit snappy, but I’m sure between listening to each of us panicking, and having people cry in her office, it’s a bit much. Two of the ladies took offense to her snappiness and left during break and  never came back.

I heard two guys commenting on how they can’t even stand being around some classmates because they are freaking out a little too much, and the freak-out energy is stressing them out.

Today, a few of us got together to study and at some point one girl started crying. I don’t know how to deal with people crying. I don’t even know how to deal with myself crying, I just lock myself up and tell people to leave me alone. Crying is not my specialty.

The poor girl is feeling dumb, and like she just doesn’t get it and that she will not get it on time for the final which is only a little over a week away. But, that’s how we all feel right now. Most of us just drink that feeling away and this poor girl doesn’t have that option because she’s on meds that does not play well with alcohol.

This is what the last week of law school is like.

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Week 5 + 2 days07.23.13

In another week and a half, the summer quarter is over. My first law school quarter is nearing the end. How is it going?

Well, somewhere around week 4, the work started really piling up along with all the info that I only partly know. So I’ll say somewhere around 4/7th of the way through the quarter was when shit starting hitting the fan. Up until end of week four, I was still filled with overwhelming positive thoughts of how joyful and delightful life was and how fortunate I was to get into law school.

Yesterday was the first day I turned to my classmate, and said, “FUCK MY LIFE!” He tried to cheer me up because he was a good classmate and we said we would look out for each other like that. I didn’t even want him to cheer me up, that’s how pathetic I was being. It was just a really rough weekend with not enough hours to do all the homework and assigned reading and assigned legal writing, work, and prepping for Monday practice exam.

Then I got home and told Drew how rough my day has been, and he tried to cheer me up. Which didn’t work. Then I saw a bunch of Facebook posts from multiple classmates saying they felt like crying but they weren’t even sure what about because there were just too many emotions floating around. And somehow, that made me feel better. Like I’m not alone on my crazy island. Mostly because on crazy island, they serve some stiff drinks because crazy people don’t bother with stupid shit like that ridiculous little shot measuring thingamajig, they just pour and pour. And now I don’t have to drink alone. Then Drew asked if it would be okay if his cousins stayed with us this weekend. And I flipped the fuck out.

This is my entire class. We have all gone bipolar simultaneously. One minute we’re laughing, next minute we’re crying. After some calm discussions about how I don’t have time for house guests on my last week of law school I figured maybe I could manage, but in the future he should just assume it’s NEVER okay to invite people over during the last two weeks of the quarter/semester. He has done this in the past, and I’ve managed, but honestly, I’ve never been this emotionally unstable over school.

Then we went to Nordstrom to pick up my altered clothing for a law event today. And they somehow fucked it all up and said everything got pushed to four days later, didn’t I get that call? I almost lost it and started crying at Nordies. Over fucking clothes. It’s not like I’ll have to show up naked if I don’t get my alterations done. Then the lady made it sound like it was my fault because I had too many pieces to alter and I should have gotten a call. I told her the clothing had been with them for over two weeks and it was promised that day and I spoke to my saleslady the day before about picking it up.

The assistant manager came over and apologized after a lot of waiting to see what we could do, and they said they would alter the one piece I needed for today and they would deliver it in the morning at my condo. This is why managers are there, because they know better than to make a customer feel like shithead for spending too much money buying too many pieces of clothing then paying for their alterations.

I went home feeling defeated, so I told Drew I honestly could not handle the idea of having house guests on the last week of school. I felt really horrible saying it, but I know this next week and a half will be hell, and the idea of having someone crash at my office so I would be forced to change my study habits and space was just too much. Even the mere idea of waking up and feeling like I have to force a smile on my face for my house guests would be too much.

Today is better. Today I’m back to being grateful for being law school, but the feeling of “I don’t have enough time” is causing some bad tension on my back.

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